


Kapice?

by tubularqueer



Category: Ghostbusters (2016), holtzbert
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cute, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, Oops, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-07-13 23:45:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16028495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tubularqueer/pseuds/tubularqueer
Summary: Hey, long time reader first time poster! I really adore this ship so I hope y'all enjoy! It's slow burn asf, but always a happy ending! <3-------Abby looked back at the machine. She was about to hit it angrily with a wrench when she heard a knock. Her wonton soup- and half an hour earlier than Bennie’s regular delivery pace, he may actually deserve a tip this time! She pushed her rolling chair back, desperate for the distraction.Abby walked to her lab door, slightly confused as regularly Bennie just let himself in, he even had a key so he could open the door himself.“You forget your key again? Bennie I know you don't wear a bra-”Abby opened the door and was face to face with Erin Gilbert, former best friend.





	1. guess who's back

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHH I don't really know how to write, but I have like twenty google docs of storylines and figured I should just live on the edge and post one?? Idk.. I just love this ship so much. I guess I need a beta tho? The first two chapters are pretty short and not that great, but they do get better, I promise.

Erin Gilbert sprinted. Her eyes were bloodshot, purple rings starting to swell underneath. Her hair was pulled up in a messy, unintentionally half down ponytail. Every muscle was sore and her legs threatened to give out from pure exhaustion. She was wearing yesterday's clothing, she had fallen asleep at her desk- perhaps since she had not slept in a full 32 hours, and awoke sharply at eight. Erin would never wake up past six without good reason, and her restless nights finally made her realize she needed help. Forgoing the metro, she ran to the only person capable of helping her. 

—————

She wasn't positive, but Abby guessed the whirring noise she heard was not right.   
She anxiously tapped her index finger on the circuit board that covered half of her sturdy oak desk.   
“Why. isn't. this. working?” Abby punctuated each word with a firm tap of her index finger. She sat back in her chair and examined the massive body of metal in front of her.   
Abby was proficient in applied physics. She could theorize something and put it into a physical object. When it came to the heavier engineering, she had Holtzmann to do the hard stuff. Abby was the ideal mediator, with enough knowledge in physics and engineering to bring the two together, but she wasn't the greatest physicist or engineer respectively.   
Currently, she needed a second set of eyes on her equations. Hell, she needed an exceptional physicist to complete what Abby couldn't. There was no way to make her theory tangible without a solid equation to build off of. This work would have been perfect for Erin. Abby hated to admit that. She hadn't talked to Erin since her freshman year of college, when they had a major fallout.   
Abby couldn't blame her though, with Erin's pretentious family, it was a surprise Erin hadn't gone to college to be a neurosurgeon. Nobody could handle so much shit from their parents every single day. Thinking about Erin's uptight parents made her nauseous, she hated Erin’s father. Abby knew by now that she didn’t hate Erin, not really. She was sad and she missed her, but the only person Abby held resentment towards was Mr. Gilbert. Whatever though.  
Abby looked back at the machine. She was about to hit it angrily with a wrench when she heard a knock. Her wonton soup- and half an hour earlier than Bennie’s regular delivery pace, he may actually deserve a tip this time! She pushed her rolling chair back, desperate for the distraction.   
Abby walked to her lab door, slightly confused as regularly Bennie just let himself in, he even had a key so he could open the door himself.   
“You forget your key again? Bennie I know you don't wear a bra-”  
Abby opened the door and was face to face with Erin Gilbert, former best friend.   
“Erin?”  
“Abby?” Erin was crying. God, she was a fucking mess. She was holding one stiletto heel and a blazer, with her white button up mostly unbuttoned and only half tucked. She was barefoot and her cotton stockings were blackened and ripped. Her hair was messier than Abby had ever seen it and her makeup was primarily running down her cheeks.   
“What the hell erin? I thought you were too good for me, huh? With your fancy degree in physics, at your even stupider fancy college”  
“Abby” her voice was strained and quiet “you were right. And I'm sorry. I can't really begin to apologize and you don't deserve all the shit I-” Erin paused to let out a small sob “all the shit I put you through and I've been a terrible friend and I can't believe I let myself be pushed around by parents who never cared and threw away everything we had just to live a life I was told I should live and. And I'm sorry.” Erin trailed off and was breathing erratically, crying more than talking now.   
Abby didn't know what to say. She should be mad at Erin, she should hate her, but she doesn't and she never really did.   
In her mind, the sympathetic part, Erin hadn’t abandoned Abby. Erin left everything that made her happy, just so she could make her parents proud. All she ever wanted was their respect back. She wanted them to look at her like she was an accomplished young genius (that she was) rather than “the boy who cried wolf”. As much as Erin tried to justify her leaving as doing what was best for herself, it really was Erin doing what was best for her appearance. Abby knew Erin never did anything for her own happiness. And that must have sucked.  
So Abby hugged Erin. She truly was happy to have her back. 

“It's ok Erin, it's ok. I forgive you.”  
“You do?” Erin's voice was skeptical and she pulled away slightly “Why would you do that?”  
“Because you were my best friend. I could never live with myself knowing there was a chance to have you back and I didn’t take it.” Abby pulled her back into a hug and rubbed her back soothingly, just how she used to calm Erin down.   
“And I could use your help on an equation, Er, you still have that beautiful big brain, and not many of those walk through here on the daily”  
“Abby?” Erin's voice was small, but Abby knew that she was smiling, just the slightest bit  
“Hm?”  
“I really, really missed you”  
“I missed you too. Now do you want to explain why you only have one heel?”  
They both pulled back from the hug, Abby holding Erin's shoulders. For the first time since months before Erin left, Abby saw her smile. 

“Well, I ran here from Columbia”  
“Columbia? That's like at least two miles away”  
“It’s six, and I did not realize how out of shape I was.”  
“What were you doing at Columbia?”  
“I work there now, and I fell asleep there last night” Erin's face noticeably darkened as she thought about the past few nights.  
“Work at Columbia? That's awesome! But how come you slept there? Have you been sleeping enough? Drinking enough water? Did you pass out from dehydration again?”   
“No, geez Abby. I just was tired. I- uh.” Erin met Abby's eyes   
“She's back”


	2. Erin and Abby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some background on Erin and Abby's friendship, I feel like a plot can't really start until they are friends again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOwowwow I had no idea what to expect, but y'all are so supportive-- last chapter wasn't even that good and you all had such nice things to say! For those of you who gave me such good critiques - thank you so much! I hope you like this chapter, I promise Holtz is coming soon, and eventually Patty and Kevin too, just not for a little while. If you have any comments feel free to leave 'em, and if there's something particular you want to see just let me know! Thank you all again :)

Erin was pulled back into a hug, partially because Abby loved “Erin Hugs™” and partially because Abby didn't know how to respond. Erin knew that Abby was dying from curiosity and probably had a million and a half questions about the apparition, but she was, as always, respectful of the mental toll it must take on the physicist and didn't dive right in.   
They knew each other too well, and Erin actually was relieved she didn’t have to organize her thoughts quite yet. Their friendship made sense like that. Abby always was there for her, even when Erin wasn’t there for herself. She thought about the day she met Abby.

That has been the third day of the second semester of sophomore year. Erin remembered it fondly.   
Abby had trudged into Erin's first period history class with a too-stuffed backpack, crooked glasses frames, and brown hair carelessly toppled into a bun. Nobody, not even Mr. Harrison, had been expecting a new kid. The secretary who had run Abby to class, a whole twenty minutes late, hastily announced to the class, “Everyone, this is Abigail Yates. She will be joining the us here at Elmhurst. I expect you all will treat her well.” As The two adults discussed details of the new student, a pencil hit Erin in the back of the head. 

“Pssst, Ghost girl!”

The girl in question reluctantly turned to the whisper behind her. 

“New kid has an x-files pin, but that doesn't mean she'll want to hang out with you, just so you know.”

Before Erin had the chance to mutter something along the lines of, “ok, cool. Good chat, Justin,” she was interrupted by an assertive voice. 

“Actually, I don't know who you are,” Abigail gestured at Justin, “but I'd prefer if you didn't try to decide who I want to be friends with, at least not within a literal fifty seconds of learning of my existence.” 

Erin's eyes bugged out, confused as to why this total stranger would stand up for her.   
The stranger marched with pride to her desk, thudding her backpack to the ground, taking a seat directly next to Erin. She scooched her chair to face Erin more and held out a wide hand. 

“You can call me Abby. Abigail sounds like I lived in the 18th century.”

Erin, still shell shocked, took Abby's hand with uncertainty, and still felt very confused as she noticed the transfer’s confidently strong handshake. 

“You got a name, right?”

Justin, just as befuddled as Erin, chose to pipe up again, “Yeah, that's ghost girl!”

“No, sorry- I'm just- uh sorry sorry, my name is Erin Gilbert. I'm not used to that sort of- well- not used to you I guess. You don't have to be nice to me, I get it. Seriously, hanging out with me will damage the potential for a good social ranking.” 

“Hmm. Well that's stupid. Social ranking doesn't mean shit. So we're friends now Erin Gilbert.” 

“Oh, ok, thank you.”

Justin, once again finding it important to comment on a situation he wasn't involved in, blurted out in a slurred and confused tone, “New kid- you don't want to be friends with that- with her- with the, the Ghost Girl!” (Justin seemed rightfully flabbergasted already, but when Abby didn't even acknowledge his interruption, he no longer could find words, and just sat twitching in confusion for the remainder of the class. )

“Why does that kid keep calling you that?”

“Oh, um. Well it's kind of stupid really,” Erin forced an uncomfortable laugh, “when I was eight I saw a ghost and I totally understand if you don't want to be associated with that-”

“What class?!”

“Uhh,” Erin glanced around in confusion, noting that Abby was much too excited, “this is International History with mr-”

“No, you doof! What class ghost! What kind of entity!” 

Abby was genuinely enthused. What was going on? 

“Are you serious?” Erin whispered with suspicion. This would be one hell of a prank, wayyyy too much effort, right?

“HELL YEAH I AM! Oh my gosh Erin Gilbert, you have no idea how much I was dreading transferring here. I thought everyone was going to be super dumb and such losers, but I just met you two minutes ago and I think you might be one of the top five most interesting people I've ever met in my life!” 

Erin was able to prove that Abby was not some sick joke, and the rest was history. Here they were now, back together again. Twenty-ish years later, in a crappy basement lab, hugging tight enough to make up for all the hugs they missed while they were apart.  
Finally breaking apart, Abby led Erin to the dilapidated couch, that depending on the day also acted as a table, and cleared off some of the newspapers and books.

“Sorry about the mess. Holtz and I try to research more, but we never have the time, so most of our leads just sit on this couch untouched.”

“Oh, you have leads? For what?”

“For ghosts, Erin, it’s what we do.”

Erin paled slightly, “Really? That’s- that’s so cool, I mean- you’re serious? You actually get to, you know- do that?”

“Yep!” Abby paused, “Well, technically no. Our dean isn’t aware that our department exists, so Holtz and I are leaching as long as we can. We set up a baby monitor in his office, so when he figures it out we run before he can fire us.” 

“Won’t he just fire you anyway?”

“Well, Yeah, but we’re gonna steal as much of this-” she gestured to the masses of equipment around her, “as we possibly can, the dean won’t even know what he’s missing. We’ve started slowly siphoning it back to my apartment so there’s less to carry when we have to run.” Abby said with a smidge of misplaced pride.

“You have a partner through? Another researcher?”

“Oh yeah, Holtzmann, she’s pretty lousy at researching, but she’s a kickass engineer. Makes all the gadgets and poofs we’d ever need to destroy, or maybe even capture, an entity.”

“Abby, this is so cool! I can’t even believe it! You are actually making our theories a reality! I wish I worked here!” Realizing her implications, Erin tensed, “Well, I mean, I wish I could work here, you know, doing what I actually like.”

“You don’t like Columbia?” Abby inquired, a glint of 'I told you so' in her eyes, genuinely curious however.

“Oh God, no” Erin leaned back further into the couch, throwing her head back and sighing deeply, “Abby, they suck so much. Everyone sucks. So. Much.”

“Care to elaborate?” Abby teased,

“Ok for some reason, everyone is so picky and over invested in each others personal lives! Like Savannah- WE AREN'T FRIENDS and I know the only reason you want to know who I’m dating is so you can gossip about it with the other English Professors! and I swear to the lord above, if one more filthy political science professor tries to tell me why it’s a science I will rip my own spinal cord out to use as a noose.”

Giggling, Abby pulled Erin into another hug, “I missed you so much.”

“Yeah,” Erin was reflective, “I almost want to just stay here until you guys have to run away”

“No,” Abby stated, and while Erin had been joking, the dismissal still surprised her, “Erin, you have to get off the couch at least. I mean, you need to get out of these clothes, you look like a Russian hooker who just ran from a house fire.”

“I do, don’t I?” Erin poked her sopping wet button up, “I’ve looked better, but Russian stripper is still a step up from how I looked in high school.”

“I don’t know if that’s true, back then you sorta looked like a Veggietales character. Let’s get you washed up, I have some extra clothes around here, Holtzmann and I keep clothes and blankets here so we can wear PJs and build pillow forts.”

“Abby, I missed you. I missed you a lot.”

“I know. But we’re together again. Kinda funny it took that son of a bitch ghost coming back to get here, though.”

“Yeah, we’ll have to talk about her once I get out of these wet clothes, but for the record- I’d been thinking about coming back. Coming back to you, back to ghosts, back home for a long time.”

“I’m glad you finally did, but I mean, I’d love if you were here sooner.”

“I do too. In fact, I had to make lists to remind myself that I don’t deserve the privilege of having an Abby in my life.”

“Aww, silly goose, nobody deserves me! But you should have known all it would take is an apology, I just want to see you happy and doing what you love, Er.”

“Ooh, speaking of doing what I love- I haven’t been. You should just see the shit men I’ve dated. I swear, the dates I’ve been on would be good material for the bachelorette; bland, boring and bleh.”

“Elab-or-ate! I need to know the history of the shit men I’ve missed out on!” Abby mockingly shimmied forward while wiggling her eyebrows.

“Ok, first there was Reed. Reed looked like what you get when you cross boat shoes and meninist twitter, so that ended pretty fast. That was freshman year of college, I was going through shit. I just left you, my dad passed about a month after that, and I was the only girl in all of my core classes. So me being edgy and emotionally unavailable, I chopped my hair real short and went blonde, point is I ended up with Trent. Trent and I dated for like, nine months. He was alright, but he didn’t feel like someone I could be myself with? I’m not sure, it was icky. I was adamant I needed to date someone, its real shit.”

“Ehhh, yeah, sounds like two very average men” Abby nodded.

“I feel like I just always end with the worst guys, like I never really want them, and I never feel bummed when they leave. It’s just a better alternative to being alone for life.”

“That’s like, the most pessimistic view of relationships I've ever heard, Erin!” Abby dumbfoundedly shook her head in disgust.

“Not really! I just haven't felt passionately about them, that’s all!”

“No! So far the list is two douchebags-”

“Ew, thats gross! I don't like that word.” Erin poked her tongue out.

“No, a douchebag is sanitary-” Abby reasoned.

“I don't want to argue this, but I really feel that I shouldn't have to explain why that's gross-” Erin giggled forward, putting her fingertips on her forehead in lighthearted exasperation.

“This is beside the point, back to the men!” 

“Eh, there was Louis, then Zack, and most recently Phil.” Erin sighed and a look of regret passed through her eyes, “He found out about my old nickname, and he was a real pussy about it.”

“Oh, ok. “Pussy” is allowed but douchebag isn’t?” Abby drew a bow with her palms in facetious inquisition.

“Fair, I also feel like pussy isn’t derogatory enough of a term.” Erin smirked, “Man, I missed dishing with you, I mean I know this wasn’t detailed or anything, but just getting this off my chest to you feels so good.”

“I missed you too, Er. I wanna dish more, but you probably want to get a shower. Let me grab you some sweats and a towel. And hey! I forgot this, but my most recent date may have left a sports bra in your size! Hah! Win!”

“I feel like I should be concerned.” Erin let Abby drag her from the couch to a rubbermaid bin filled with miscellaneous clothing items.

“Woah, Abby! Are these all from rando hookups?” 

“No! Some things I leave here myself!” Abby stated defensively

“Does the other chick know about this?”

“Holtzmann? Yeah, she’s funny about it through,” Abby leaned forward, a drawl to her lips as though telling Erin a secret, “a real demisexual if you know what I mean” 

“Abby! And, no, I don’t know what you mean!”

“Hah! She only gets the hotts for people every once in a while, but she gets ‘em baaad. She reminds me of you like that, always observing, never really invested in a relationship, but only ‘cause she doesn’t feel a ‘spark’ or whatever.” Abby prodded Erins shoulder.

“Hey, that’s a real point through! A spark is necessary!” She said as she tried to dodge the incessent poking.

“Mkay, sparky, here’s a towel and clothes, make yourself decent you heathen!”

After directing Erin to the private bathroom, Abby took a few deep breaths, unwilling to get her hopes too high, but afraid they already were.


	3. Holtzmann

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtz enters. She's somehow weirder than Erin, and that's impressive.

Holtzmann had started her thursday with little to no energy, she woke up an hour late. She shuffled out of bed and yanked her clothes off in a graceless series of motions, tossing them into her overflowing laundry basket and making a mental sticky note to do her laundry. Since she didn’t teach any morning lectures and she wasn’t excited enough about any project to be productive at work, she figured she’d take a shower and get breakfast anyway. Abby wouldn’t care if she was a few hours late, so long as she showed up to mentor kids at the lab by noon. 

She threw on a boring outfit for her standards: green cargo pants, a gray tank top over a boring black bra, a pair of combat boots that looked like they’d been in a dog fight, a smoking jacket with dark purple lapels, and her aviator goggles. Not bothering to fix her hair into anything spiffier than its usual updo, she left her apartment to pick up some breakfast and go to what she presumed would be another terribly boring day. She assumed wrong, of course.

She headed to her favorite coffee place to get her usual (extremely sugary hot chocolate) order and a cup of coffee for Abby. She liked this particular cafe because they always offered her free drinks- she was sort of the unofficial maintenance man there. (One day, the line was excruciatingly long because two of their machines broke, so she had hopped the counter and fixed them before heading to work, giving them her contact info if they ever needed little fixes done for free.)   
~   
“Abbbbbayyyy!” She hollered through a mouthful of breakfast burrito, “Hope you want some coffee, because the bartender gave me one for free, and you know I hate coffee!” 

“Awesome! I’m in the back!” Holtz heard in the distance.  
She looked at the couch and spotted a stiletto heel (only one?), a smart blazer, a pair of stockings, and an exceedingly dirty button up.

“Aw, come on Abby! Hooking up with someone on a school night! Seriously, when do you have time for this?” Holtz ranted out loud as she approached Abby, who in return let out a chortle.

“Holtz, no, (wheeze) I didn’t go out last night,”

“Now they’re coming here?! That’s even worse! Are we a brothel, Abigail?!”

“No! Hol-”

“A BROTHEL?!” Holtz said playfully 

“Holtz I didn't hook up with anyone, thats just Erin’s stuff!” Abby said between laughs

“Erin?” Holtz took a moment to piece it together, “Like, Dr. Gilbert?!”

“Oh my gosh, are we at the hospital? Her name is Erin, you're welcome to use it, ya know.”

“Abby, why aren’t you freaking out?” 

“Because she apologized, and I forgave her, and she’s a bit of a mess at the moment so I don't want to freak out and make things messier, we don't want mass hysteria.”

Holtz paused to reflect on this, concerned that her best friend was endangering herself.

“Holtzy, I wouldn’t have forgiven her if she wasn’t so sincere.”

And Holtz believed her, but she needed to believe this Dr. Gilbert situation as well.

“Where is she?” Holtz asked before adding, “I’m not going to cuss her out, just want to introduce myself like a proper science woman.”

“Fine, but if you scare her off-”

“I won’t!” 

“She’s getting changed in the bathroom, she ran here from Columbia this morning and needed to get out of her ridiculously stingy clothes and shower so we can hang out.”

“Ok, I’m excited, if she has half the brain you say she has… well I’d love to meet her in person rather than stalk her theories.”

“Yeah! Plus- sounds like she hates her job, and I don't want to get any hopes up, but I mean, she would make an incredible asset to this team. Especially with her knowledge and experience in the paranormal.” 

“We can discuss that later, as appealing as it is to have another genius in the building, we would have to convince a doctor to leave tenure at one of the country’s best schools, so… let’s not get hasty.”

“Faair enough, just be nice, ok?”

“I play well with others.” Holtz broke into a manic grin.

(“You really don’t! Abby called after her)  
Waltzing to the bathroom door, she had no idea what to expect. In her mind, Dr. Erin Gilbert was a legend. She was brilliant beyond conceivable reasoning. Holtz was no stranger to the products of this woman’s mind, she’d read just about every single document the woman published, and never ceased to be amazed by the pure ingenuity behind every word. 

~~~  
Erin pulled on the sports bra and sweatpants. The oversized Jurassic Park T-shirt she pegged as Abby’s was cozy and smelled like violets. After fussing with her hair in the mirror, Erin took a step back and sighed.  
Speaking to her reflection, she let out a mumbled string of words, “Abby forgave you today. I can’t even believe that!”

 

“There’s no way that that’s possible! Not even the kindest human on earth should be able to forgive me!” 

“Well, Abby is an outlier in exceptional kindness,” Erin reasoned with herself, “God, I cant believe what a douche I was! There I go, using that word! I’ve just seen her for the first time in years and in just ten minutes I’ve already adapted to her vernacular!”

“Hellooo? Anyone hooome?” a peculiar female voice called from the bathroom entrance, extending the vowels in each syllable in a fantastic impression of a cartoon owl.

“Uh, yes?” Erin responded, blush in her cheeks as she realized the new guest had most likely heard her ramblings.

“You decent?” the voice responded from the quarterly opened door frame.

“Oh, yeah I have clothes on?” Erin stated with uncertainty, unsure of who this person was, and why they were in the bathroom. Maybe because other people have bladders, Erin, duh

“Coolio julio,” The stranger opened the door with flourish, a hand still over her eyes. Erin’s head scrambled. The figure was short in stature, a ridiculous updo of blonde curls desperate to escape a makeshift headband of yellow-lensed aviator goggles. Erin couldn’t make out her face, as the shorter woman still had a gloved hand slapped with determination over her eyes. 

“Hi! You're Erin Gilbert, huh? Famed professor of particle physics, responsible for the latest and greatest theory on atomic reuptake in proton reversal, also responsible for the very equations that were used to actualize a functioning psychokinetic energy meter, rumored to be the most groundbreaking physicist of the twenty first century, and on top of all that, the author of “Physics from the inconceivable understanding,” “Helium boil-offs effects on the astral plane,” and my very own favorite book: “Ghosts from our past, both literally and figuratively: a study of the paranormal,” and former best friend of my current best friend: Abigail Elaine Yates?”

Erin was properly terrified of the overwhelming list of her academic achievements, followed by compliments much greater than she deemed necessary and then again followed by the information that Abby still had the book, and had let this chick (what was her name again? Why couldn’t she remember it?) read it. So shellshocked was she that she failed to muster any words to respond for a full eight seconds. 

“Yes, that’s me?”

“Coool, cool, cool, good stuff! So I have a few quick questions, ya mind going rapid fire with me?”

“Ra- rapid fire questions? Ok, sure.” Erin stuttered out, properly flabbergasted 

“Fantastic. One: would you consider yourself a harry potter fan?”

“Yes? How is this relevan-”

“Two: have you ever partaken in drug or alcohol use?”

“I hardly think the two are comparable, but yes, I drink occasionally.” Erin answered with confusion.

“Three: Do you plan on ever, ever hurting my best friend- the aforementioned Abigail Elaine Yates- ever again?” 

“I’m sor- No! Absolutely not! Leaving her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I could never do that again! I’ve spent years- a whole honest decade in fact- regretting leaving her with every ounce of myself I had left! I made list after list after list of reasons Abby was too good for me, too fantastic of a person for me to apologize to, I didn’t deserve the privilege of having her as my best friend even before I did the world’s shittiest thing! I would have to have some major audacity to even begin to apologize to such a wonderful human who I hurt so recklessly!” suddenly realizing she was venting to a strange woman in a bathroom, Erin cut herself short, “I’m sorry, I just mean to say that me intentionally hurting her is an inconceivable notion, not   
after what I’ve done and how I’ve regretted it.”

“Good answer!” the figure bobbed on her heels, “Just wanted to make sure you weren’t a piece of garbage, ya know? They say not to meet your heroes, so I didn’t want to properly meet you until I knew you weren’t going to make me regret it!”   
Erin was mentally asking herself how she qualified as a “hero” to this chick when she began to move towards her, still blindfolded by a hand.  
After an excessive bow, the stranger stood dramatically tall and revealed her face. Erin’s eyes met hers, and she felt a strange seismic pull between them, a tangible electric wave pulsed through the air. She presumed this meant that she had just met someone important, perhaps a new friend with as much importance to her life as Abby or a coworker she would solve something magnificent with, regardless, the person was significant to her before she even knew her name.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Jillian Holtzmann, responsible for the poofs, professor of whacko studies at butt university, doctorate in nuclear and theoretical and applied engineering. Stoked to meet you!”

“Hi,” Erin cordially extended her hand to shake, “Dr. Erin Gilbert, I’d introduce myself but-”

“Yeah, not necessary” Abby’s coworker shook her hand with enthusiasm, “I have some more questions.”

“Oh? Ok.” Erin politely smiled, then realized she had been shaking Holtzmann’s hand for much longer than necessary, “Can I answer them, not in a bathroom?”

“Oops, so silly of me, sorry, yeah, let’s do that.” Holtzmann shuffled awkwardly, gesturing to the door with her spare hand, because the two dorks still hadn’t stopped shaking hands.

“Are we going to, uh, stop shaking hands?” Erin inquired, “I feel like we were supposed to do that by now.”

“I also feel that way.”

“Cool, so, we gonna?” 

Neither women loosened their grip on the handshake.

“Yeah, uh Huh.”

“See that's like the second time you said we’d stop shaking hands, but we still haven't” Erin grinned, humored by this strange experience- not really uncomfortable, although the handshake hadn’t ended, they were still in a bathroom, and they had quite literally just met.

“I know! I just can’t stop now, I feel like whoever stops shaking hands is the looser or something!” 

“I mean, you seem to know a lot about me, which means you know I’m competitive,”

“I also am a fan of some lighthearted competition.” Dr. Holtzmann reasoned with a smirk

“So then we must have reached an impasse,” Erin teased, a glint of playfulness in her eyes.

“So it seems” The two continued their strange staring contest.

“Maybe, and only because you have questions for me, we could come to an agreement of sorts.” Erin tilted her head slightly, amused with how the blonde seemed to narrow her eyes and purse her lips in a suspicious sort of curiosity.

“A compromise? Now I can’t guarantee my agreement, but do color me interested.” Holtzmann said, an octave lower than her regular speaking voice.

“What if we simply countdown from three, then let go? No one wins, no harm, no foul?”

Erin watched as Dr. Holtzmann seemed to asses the terms of the compromise with an unnecessary amount of thought, the physicist biting her lower lip so not to laugh at the eccentric cordiality of this handshaking contest.

“Now, I wouldn’t say I’m suspicious, but how can I know with certainty that after we reach one and I let go, you won’t just hold a second longer to be a technical winner.”

“Well reasoned concerns. First, I think that would make me a cheater, so it wouldn’t count- and same rules apply to you. Secondly, I think you ought to know,” Erin paused slightly, drawing the blonde’s attention in, and continued in a lower, more serious (perceivably seductive?) voice, “I never say something I don’t mean, Dr. Holtzmann.”

The air hung thick for a moment as the pair sized each other up, searching the other’s eyes for mischief or any sign of untrustworthy behavior.

“Ok, Dr. Gilbert. I trust you. We can count down, 3..2..1.. Then we let go. After, not on three. Kapice?” 

“Kapice.” Erin chuckled

“3...2...1…” both loosened their grip and pulled their hands away. (Erin almost missed the contact, although she knew that was weird, so she just stuffed that to the back files of her brain that she permits herself to think about only when she is on the subway or eating pizza, never any other time.)

“Good, now that that’s settled, interview on the couch!” The shorter woman bounded away.

“Could this be any weirder?” Erin mumbled to herself.

Yeah, it could


	4. its just flirting for three pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOf guess I'm a sucker for writing a slow burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING A WHOLE BUNCH OF DOG YEARS TO UPDATE--- skool has been whack and sis has to keep a decent sleep schedule! I pinky promise I'll make the next chapter juicier for you all!

Abby quirked an eye at the two as they left the bathroom together, both grinning, and Holtzmann undeniably flushed. First she hypothesized that Holtz had made a fool of herself, but realized that Holtz always made a fool of herself and was never embarrassed of it, this must be something else. Pushing aside her curiosity for the moment, Abby went to join them at the only lab table that wasn’t covered with heaps of machinery.  
She took a seat on a lab stool across from Erin, primarily because Holtz had already taken the seat adjacent to her.

“How ya feelin’, Er?” Abby asked

“I’m good, ready for the questioning.” Erin glanced at Holtzmann, who in reply shot her a thumbs up.

“First question: why are you in my shirt?” Holtz leaned casually onto her propped up fist, playfulness in her eyes.

“Oh-” Erin glanced down at the shirt she had presumed was Abby’s, blush rising in her cheeks.

“No, Holtz, that is not our first question. Let’s get serious.” Abby interjected, simultaneously taking note of the flush that had abruptly colored Erin's cheeks, an eyebrow curiously beginning to raise.

“Aww, but I’m so bad at that!” Holtz murmured, causing the corners of Erin’s mouth to twinge upwards before she pursed her lips back in an attempt to regain her composure.

  
Abby, who had been opening a notebook and getting out her laptop, let out a sigh.

  
“Sorry Holtzy, we have to do our jobs you know. Speaking of, you have to teach a lab at noon, so you’re only here for an hour.

“Booooooo”

Abby, promptly ignoring Holtzmann, rolled her eyes and turned to Erin.

“Alright Erin, let’s talk ghosts.”

“Sure thing,” Erin gave a weak smile, decidedly choosing to ignore how Dr. Holtzmann’s presence seemed to affect her, “You recall our infamous ghost, Mrs. Johnson, right?”

“Of course, so she’s back?”

“Yeah, lets see, today is friday, she came back tuesday night, vivid as ever.”

“That’s so strange,” Abby knit her brow, “I thought we had concluded that she was tied to your childhood house, within an acre from her place of death.”

“I know, I’ve been thinking: how is she back now? I’m guessing it has something to do with me being alone at night. As a kid I was alone, then when we became friends I spent most nights with you, and her visits started to taper out, maybe realizing that your presence made me less scared of her. Plus we moved downtown, and she stopped appearing entirely, which is what made us conclude her appearance was tied within more or less of an acre of her place of death.”  
Abby nodded, a sympathetic smile forming while she reminisced. Abby had witnessed the ghost the first time she slept over at Erin’s house, a Junior in High School. It was her first time seeing a ghost, and it was properly terrifying, while also the most gorgeous, mind blowing event of her life. Abby seeing it was real was a massive comfort to Erin, who had begun to believe she truly was insane.

“In college and grad school I always had roomates, or housemates who lived so close that they could likely witness the ghost as well, so she dodged that. From then ‘till about a month ago I lived in a garbage apartment by myself, but often had a significant other or friends visiting, or maybe she simply didn’t visit because the walls were so terribly thin that the neighbors could probably hear her when she does her whole--” Erin tracked off gesturing her hands in a series of confusing and bellicose motions, “You know what I’m trying to say.”

“Yeah, the whole unhinged jaw thing, with the ectoprojection barf thing, and the blood chilling screaming issue, and the loud explosion sounding thing when she decides to leave.” Abby said nonchalantly as Holtz’s eyes bugged out and eyebrows shot up in shock, she knew Erin had been haunted, but not to this degree.

“Yep. That. Then last month I moved into a nicer place, although it’s a little weird, it’s the second floor of this Chinese food place. I guess it’s partially that I have no neighbor witnesses close enough to hear anything, and I already told you that I haven’t been dating for a while so.” Erin shrugged, moderately embarrassed about that last bit, although she wasn’t sure why. “I mean, I’ve been pretty focused on my job, so I haven’t really been seeing anyone, you know, right now every move I make is devoted to getting tenure-”

“You don’t already have tenure?!” Holtz interjected in disbelief.

“Well, no, I’m pretty young to even be up for tenure Dr. Holtzmann-”

“Yeah, but you’re a genius, though! I mean, you probably deserved tenure at age fifteen more than half the bozos who have it now.” Holtz frowned.  
Erin wasn’t initially sure if the engineer was being sarcastic or not, but her expression was calculating and serious, analomic behavior for the always-facetious blonde. Erin smiled at the frustrated blonde, flattered by her sincerity. Holtz made eye contact with her and softened a bit, almost bashful about her comments, although she meant them entirely. Abby cleared her throat, annoyed that she had to be destroying whatever moment _that_ was while trying to work.

“So your theory is that the ghost is targeting you when you're alone, it isn’t tied to location.”

Erin nodded.

“So what you're saying is that we can have aaaaaa?” Abby leaned forward excitedly.

“A sleepover, yes, Abby.”

“A sleepover above a Chinese restaurant, hunting ghosts, with my OG and my NG! This is a dream come true!” Abby squealed. “Oh, let me properly introduce you two to each other.”

“Abby, we already met.”

“OG, Erin thats you, my Original Gangsta,” Abby gestured to Erin, who was shaking her head lightheartedly, “meet my NG, the New Gangsta, Holtzy.”

“Abby,” But whatever Erin was going to say was cut short by Abby standing up to start dancing, then a knock on the door.

“Finally! My Chinese food!” Abby hollered and bounded to the door.

“The Chinese food is just getting here now? She ordered that before I even got here, that was like two hours ago.” Erin whispered in disbelief.

“Yeah, Benny takes a good while to get anywhere. But uhh, quick other ghost question: what’s the class?”

“Mrs. Johnson is a class five entity,” noting how Holtz’s jaw dropped and eyebrows knitted in concern, Erin continued, “She started as a class three through. She fed on my fear as a kid, until she eventually formed a distinct human form and a lot of other insane abilities. As far as I know she’s never possessed anyone through, so not a T-6.”

“Dr. Gilbert, that’s awful. I hope we can take her out.” _then maybe I could take you out_ , Holtz thought, but she wasn’t _that_ level of forward.

“Yeah, hopefully. I had to cancel my classes today, which already is going to affect my tenure case.” Erin frowned and creased her eyebrows in worry.

“For real?”

“Mhmm, the process of getting tenure at Columbia is brutal, at least for me.”

“Well, full offense, if Columbia doesn’t see how qualified you are then they don’t deserve you to begin with. I’ll fight ‘em. I will fight Sir Columbia myself.”

Erin flushed and gave a thin smile, yet again flattered by this strange woman. Just then, Abby returned then with her arms filled with three large paper bags filled with food.

“Holtz, what equipment are we thinkin’ for tonight?”

“Uhhh, lets see. The EKG meter is the only thing we’re certain works, and usually I’m not comfortable bringing untested prototypes, but we might only get one shot at this, so how ‘bout the big guns? I got a shotgun cooking up, I can finish it if you have that equation for me!”

“Alright, how much time do you think it’ll take to finish it?”

“A few hours? Max.” Holtz peered into a bag and grabbed a few take out boxes of rice. Abby and Holtz emptied the bags onto the table, Erin unsure of why Abby had ordered so much.

“Sounds good, I want to get to Erin’s as soon as we can, I’ll take over teaching the lab today, you and Erin wrap that bad boy up and we’ll leave when I get back.” Abby disappeared behind a curtain for a second, returning with a thick pile of notepaper, “Here Erin, you’ll be able to do this, I just needed more time because I never was the best physicist, well, not in any class you were in. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have children to attend to.” And with that, Abby left, carrying her soup and some stir fry.

Holtz figured she should give Erin a sec, and took some boxes back to the fridge. Tso’s closed over the weekend, and so the scientists would stock up on Friday so they didn’t have to leave the lab over the weekend.

“Oh, ok.” Erin murmured as she looked at the scribbles on the paper, immediately aware of what was wrong. “Dr. Holtzmann?”

“Yah?” Holtz bobbed over to the table.

“I see whats wrong, the rest of the equation should only take twenty or so minutes to solve.”

“Sounds ravenous, and you can call me Holtzmann, or Holtz, no need for the formality, Dr. Gilbert.”

“Alright, then you can call me Erin.” She smiled brightly.

“Ok, Erin,” Holtz paused, “I like that name on you. It suits you.”

“Thanks, Holtzmann. You too.” With that Erin turned back to work, partly because she loved a juicy equation, and partly because she was blushing like a fool.

 


	5. i don't like making titles srry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Erin gave Holtz the equation, she wasn’t entirely sure what to do with herself. According to Holtz, this wouldn’t take more than a “jiffy”, and Abby should be back in about two hours, which meant either she was going to be spending a lot of time with this eccentric blonde, or she was going to spend a lot of time doing absolutely nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt badly for not updating in so long, so I threw this together last night-- it is a tad bit juicier (as promised) but uhhhh it's just all fluff and has NOTHINg to do w the plot oops, a bonus chapter if u will.

    After Erin gave Holtz the equation, she wasn’t entirely sure what to do with herself. According to Holtz, this wouldn’t take more than a “jiffy”, and Abby should be back in about two hours, which meant either she was going to be spending a lot of time with this eccentric blonde, or she was going to spend a lot of time doing absolutely nothing. Currently, she was slowly touring through a maze of heaping machinery that was balanced haphazardly on any horizontal surface available.   
She glanced up at an impressive mound of metal that looked familiar. Erin got closer to the mound and reached out to move some wires back to more clearly observe the core of the machine.

   “Wouldn’t touch that one if I were you.” Holtz chimed from behind her. Holtz had been passing by on her way to get another blowtorch. She noticed Erin was engrossed in the machinery, and not wanting to startle her, had made an impressive effort to stomp over as loudly as she could. Unfortunately, she _had_ startled her, and she had chosen the wrong time to pipe up, as she was trying to shimmy past Erin without bumping the hazardous equipment stacked narrowly behind her. Erin, shocked, spun around to face Holtz, and bumped into her. Awfully aware of the consequences bumping into the machine BEHIND her, Holtz chose to try to regain her balance by leaning forward. This resulted in a very uncomfortable proximity to each other, and through neither would quite yet admit it, they weren’t complaining. 

   Erin’s brain was setting off sirens: _KISS HER KISS HER KISS HER_ was chanting on repeat, while what remained of her self control was feebly screaming _nonononono she isn’t gay don’t scare her off nonononononono_ , and the anxious goblin that lived in her prefrontal cortex was just screaming like a police siren, with a little police-erin shouting “ma’am I’m gonna need you to kindly uhhhh DIE of embarrassment--”

    Meanwhile, Holtzmann’s brain showed even less grace, as her initial instinct was _JUST DO IT JUST GO MUAH JUST KISS THE LADY SHE’S HOT-- JUST!!! KISS!!! GO! KISS!!_ And her conscience was just doing an impression of the galapagos turtle noises used as the Jurassic Park Dinosaur screeches. 

What actually happened was they stared at each other for 16.7 seconds, breathing exponentially faster, as the initial instinct of “kiss her!” morphed into “DO SOMETHING, anything at all!!!!! Geez..” 

“Uh, I, I’m sorry about that.” Holtz broke the silence as she leaned off of Erin, “Just was, uhh, get- getting the uh… The tool.” She pointed awkwardly and vaguely to her left. 

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, of course.” Erin cleared her throat, trying to ignore how her breath hadn’t yet UN-hitched, “The tool?”

“Mhmm, yep. Tools. Gotta use ‘em” Holtz gracelessly pulled herself back, walking backwards, jerking her thumbs behind her and trying to act normal, which she’d never been good at anyway. She bumped into a few tables before turning around and doing everything in her power to not just sprint away as fast as she possibly could. Her willpower was not super strong however, so she half skipped- half stiltedly marched across the room, disappearing behind the curtain, leaving Erin dumbfounded and in need of an AED.

    It took Holtzmann an intentional 13 minutes to find “the tool”. Erin did not move, but remained glued on the spot, pursing her lips and replaying that moment in her head. She wished she could deny that she liked it. She wished she could stop thinking about how her skin tingles everywhere Holtzmann’s body had made contact with hers. She wished she could pretend that her brain wasn’t currently imagining a different scenario, one where Erin pulled Holtzmann closer by the lapels of her coat, or pinned her up against this machine and made out until Abby got back. But her brain was incapable of denying that this strange yet glorious engineer had become her crush within a mere hour of knowing her. That was, at the very least, highly unusual.

    Meanwhile, Holtzmann was picturing a very similar series of fantasies, and trying hard to not let them overwhelm her. It was undeniable that she found Erin attractive when she saw her picture on the back of the book, and it was undeniable that she found Erin even hotter in person this morning, but most importantly, it was undeniable that Holtzmann actively liked Erin now. She had never been so awkward in front of a crush in her life, _holy mothman_ , she was embarrassed. In Holtzmann’s head, she pictured Erin asking, ever so politely, “Could you please kiss me now?” and Holtz would simply smirk, and slowly fulfill her request, hoisting her up on the lab table and, being ever the gentlewoman, fulfill any _other_ requests Erin may have. Holtz swatted her hands at her head to try to regain her composure, but a brief image of Erin lying next to her in bed, gloriously undone, jumped into her head. Holtz choked on the air in her lungs, started coughing, and slowly worked her way to the ground. This pulled Erin out of her daydreams. 

   Erin, hearing these coughs, was concerned. The coughs were mixed with whispered curse words that sounded like an assortment of words grown ups use around fifth graders mixed with threats and the vocabulary of a pirate, (Sweet mother of gumdrops, drop kick me in the throat with a motherfucking axe, please.)

“Holtz? You ok?” Erin walked into the back room to find Holtz, wheezing and looking overwhelmed. Erin did not deduce precisely why Holtz was overwhelmed. Holtz was precisely overwhelmed because seeing Erin in person did not stop the candidly sexual images involving Erin from flashing in her head.  _I really like it when she says my name,_ Holtz thought, “Oh yikes” she muttered in between the unattractive hacks of breath. 

“Ahh, ok, um, do you need water?” Erin asked with uncertainty. Holtz violently nodded, and Erin hurriedly ran over to the stack of mini fridges in the back corner. If she wasn’t so concerned for Holtz, she may have been concerned about how a few of these fridges just held scrap metal or weird, glowing vials, but she finally located the brita pitcher of water and rushed it back to Holtzmann. Holtz drank directly out of the lip of the pitcher, which she always did anyway, but she was glad she could pretend it was out of necessity and not bad habits.   
     When Holtz’s breathing finally evened out she looked over to Erin, who was kneeling by her side with a worried expression on her face. Holtz thought the way her brow creased and the corners of her lips tightened was cute, and realizing that she did NOT want to fall down this rabbit hole in front of a pretty girl again, she just started laughing. Erin joined.

“Oh my gosh I’m sorry, that was so embarrassing!” Holtz breathed out when their laughter began to subside.

“For whom?” Erin’s eyebrows raised as she grinned.

“For me! I guess I have asthma now.” They both giggled. They sat on the floor, leaned up against a table in the kitchenette area that clearly served as a storage unit for spare parts.

“Well, for your information, according to the New England Journal of Medicine, asthma is the second most elegant of the respiratory conditions.” Erin smiled soothingly at Holtz, who looked impressed, or heart eyed.

“Oh, yeah?” Holtz cocked her head with a grin.

“Yeah” Erin tried to keep a straight face, and while her lips where pulled tightly down, her eyes were sparkling.

“So, Doctor, pray tell, what outranks asthma in terms of elegance?”

“Easy. Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.” The pair tried to look serious, but broke into laughter simultaneously.

“What even is that?” Holtz wheezed out, her voice two octaves higher than usual.

“An umbrella term that encompasses several respiratory illnesses that cause breathlessness, or the inability to exhale normally! Come on man, that’s common knowledge!” Erin laughed, “Actually, I probably shouldn’t joke about that, it’s the fourth highest cause of death in Americans.”

“Holy shit, are you just a walking encyclopedia?” Before Erin could respond to Holtzmann, who was obviously marveling over Erin’s fact-filled brain, Holtzmann’s phone began quacking. Yes, quacking. Her text tone was a duck quacking, which is both literally and objectively the worst ringtone option.

“Eww, what is that ringtone?” Erin giggled.

“I choose custom text tones for all of my homies! Abby’s happens to be the loudest option available. I love it.”

“Well if I get a text tone, it can absolutely NOT be that.”

“Obviously, you aren’t a duck tone, I’d say you’re the one that sounds like eerie alien noises.”

“Sci-fi? Really?”

“You know the names of the text tone options?”

“I can’t help it! My brain doesn’t do a lot of forgetting. But I’ll say that one is a favorite of mine, it’s very annoying, but it sort of reminds me of the x-files.”

“You remind me of Dana Scully, maybe you were destined for this text tone!”

“Aw thank you, I’m flattered, but to be clear, you don’t even have my number.” Erin raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“I know, a real tragedy in my opinion.”

“If only there was something you could do about it.” Erin grinned playfully and shrugged.

“Well, there is something _you_ could do about it.” Holtz pulled her phone from her back pocket, just as Abby sent another text. Without even glancing at Abby’s texts, she holds her phone up to Erin and shakes it, clearly implying that Erin should make her contact in Holtzmann’s phone.  
Erin miraculously catches sight of the contents of Abby’s texts, and her ears turn pink with embarrassment, hopefully not noticeable to Holtzmann.

 **12:43 Abby** : How’s the new baby gun? Have u even touched it or are u and er just crushing on each other like losers?  
 **12:45 Abby** : y haven’t u responded? Omg r u fucking? Don’t set any fires plz.

“Oh, ok,” Erin says to Holtz, trying to pretend she hadn’t seen that, because she isn’t quite sure what to think about it. Holtz unlocks her phone and hits the create contact button and tosses her phone to Erin.

  
“Make sure you put a selfie in, and something under company, and a minimum of three emojis. There is a code of conduct for all my constituents.” Holtz smiles back dopily. Erin thinks for a minute, this seems more difficult than necessary. She settles on “Erin Gilbert, Columbia University,” with a ghost emoji, a book emoji, and after careful deliberation, a purple heart emoji. She didn’t want to be too forward, but a heart seemed flirty enough, right?  
Abby does not stop texting, after Erin makes her contact and hands the phone back to Holtz, she pipes up,

“I didn’t mean to like, stalk your texts, but Abby mentioned your proton gun, you need help finishing that?”

“Oof, forgot about that sucker, let me grab my blowtorch and I’ll show you what’s cookin’, sound good?”

“Sounds lovely.” Erin smiled, which seemed to be how her interactions with Holtzmann often resulted in. Actually, it seemed that she smiled more since the moment she reconnected with Abby, or just the moment she was away from that stuffy office in Columbia. Erin made sure to note how she actually felt happy. Not just content, but honest happiness, something she hadn’t felt so consistently in a very long time. _Interesting, more things to think about while eating pizza or on the subway_.

Holtz jumped messily to her feet, then offered Erin a hand, after an excessive bow. 

“Mizz Gilbert.” Holtz said in a faux british accent

“Hey, even when you’re being fancy, I still have a doctorate.”

“Oh, but of course, my deepest of apologies.” In lieu of a response, Erin playfully swatted at her arm. She brought the brita pitcher back to the mini fridge as Holtzmann retrieved her second blowtorch. And the pair made their way to the back of the lab, where the proton pistol lay, the same pistol that would eventually become Erin’s weapon of choice, just a few soldering moments away from completion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohmy gosh OOOOOhhhh my gosh. They’re so gay. My moms. They’re just,,,fucking,,, so gay, i just, oof...


	6. Enter Patty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a cat, there's a lot of dialogue and fluff and barely any plot, and there's Patty!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep procrastinating on making this actual plot, sorry oops

When Abby made it back to the lab, she found the physicist and the mechanic lightheartedly discussing what Holtz’s next weapon should be. The bulky metal equipment was packed neatly into Holtzmann’s silver duffel bag in an attempt to be inconspicuous. After a brief recap, Holtzmann, Erin and Abby load themselves into an uber and head toward Erin’s restaurant home. The car ride was filled with jokes and fake arguments. 

 

“Ok, come on, we have to table this, we’re here.” Erin giggles and gets out of the car, thanking the Uber driver profusely. Suddenly, a ball of anxiety sprouts in her stomach, she’s barely moved in, and it is admittedly pretty strange to live on top of a restaurant. 

Erin smushes down her anxiety, this is Abby, she has nothing to hide from her. As for Holtzmann: Erin trusted Abby, and Abby trusted Holtzmann. By the transitive property, Erin should be able to extend her trust to Holtzmann. Actually, she realized that she already did trust Holtz as a friend. Okay, yes, Erin did want to impress her, and really hoped she could earn her affection, but hiding or pretending to be someone else wasn’t going to be worth her time. Boom! The little anxiety knot untied itself, Erin was proud. Over time she had gotten much better at calming her nerves, but in front of a crush? Right after a landmark day of reuniting with Abby? After a frazzling week of a ghost from her past? That was impressive. 

 

“Oh my fucking tortillas!” Abby shouted after she had scooted herself out of the sports car and looked at the building, “It’s Tso’s!” 

 

“No way!” Holtz marvelled, “This is mad freaky, Abbs, totally rad!” The duo high fived.

 

“I think it’s more than freaky, Holtzy, this is  _ destiny _ !” 

 

“Excuse me, what?” Erin squeaked, she just had warded off that anxiety, the phrase ‘mad freaky’ wasn’t precisely what she wanted to hear.

 

“This is where Holtz and I order from- the only take out in the entire city worth spending a dime on!” The trio walked toward the entrance.

 

“This place?” Erin’s eyebrows raised to her hairline, she glanced at the building, her brows diving back down to rest in a furrowed expression, “Didn’t it take them two hours to deliver?” Erin lead them inside, heading toward the back, behind the boiler room, to the staircase.

 

“Well, of course! We ordered in bulk. They take time to perfect our requests, Er.”

 

“Yup. Quality over quantity.” Holtz chimed in as they began to go up the stairs.

 

“You mean quality over speed. And it’s not really quality,” Erin sighed, “Weren’t you complaining that the soup tasted like sunscreen?” 

They reached the top of the staircase, stood crammed on a little platform, the large round door still locked. Erin had forgotten her purse, but luckily, she had picked up Abby’s bra pinning technique many years prior. 

 

“Duh, you would complain too if you're soup tasted like sunscreen!” Abby reasoned. She watched as Erin dug up under her t-shirt (well, technically Holtz’s t-shirt) for her key, this little gesture brightened Abby’s entire day even further. Er, her first real friend, remembered her tactic and actually used it! Even after all these years!

 

“Yes, but, I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t reorder from that place, or like, refer to it as the the ‘best take out in the city.’” Erin only grew more confused. Having retrieved her key, she began to unlock the door.

 

“Ok, that’s the delivery guy, Benny. That’s all his fault. When it’s Wess, the order is always flawless. Benny just fucks it all up. The soup probably  _ actually _ had sunscreen in it, because knowing Benny, he would have somehow managed to do that in the time it took him to get to our lab. Lord knows how-” Abby stopped short as she took in Erin’s apartment. Compared to most NYC real estate, it was massive. Holtz and Abby followed Erin in, leaving the door ajar.

 

“Wowza,” Holtz marvelled, “This is some spacious living.”

 

Just as Erin was about to address Holtzmann, a blur darted past the engineer’s feet, making a break for the door. Erin, in three swift motions, dropped her bag of clothes, flew past Holtz, and scooped up a mad blob of fur, which apparently was a cat.

 

“Eisen, no, bad!” Erin pointed a stern finger at the kitten, scolding her, “Sorry about that.” Erin closed her apartment door with her foot (is it really an apartment, though?) and then dropped the cat, which flung off in the opposite direction.

 

“I meant to warn you about Heisenberg, she’s pretty speedy.”

 

“Heisenberg?” Holtz quirked an eyebrow, finding Erin incredibly endearing for naming her cat something so strange, and superbly adorable for blushing in response. Having a cat was so sweet to begin with, and a fancily named cat? Remarkable. 

 

“Wait, is this feline a descendant of Madame Babbage?!” Abby interjected, holding the kitten up in observation. (It was impressive that she even managed to pick up the speeding furball, and was practically miraculous that she could hold on to it for so long.)

 

“Yeah!” Erin realized Holtz should have some background info and continued, “My parents got me a cat, my first cat, Babbage, after I kept complaining about being haunted. That, of course, was when I was Eight, so twenty five years ago-”

 

“Wait, was this cat’s name sake Charles Babbage, the inventor?”

 

“Obviously, Erin was a nerd, she obsessed over a good invention, Duh! Keep up, please!” Abby hollered as she struggled to balance the kitten on her head. After all, putting a cat on her head like a hat was something she rarely had the opportunity to do.

 

“Anyway! Madame Babbage died like eighteen years ago, but not before she got impregnated by another cat in the neighborhood, Marcus.” Erin paused to pull a face of disgust, across the room, Abby booed.

 

“How dare the commoner lie with our baby Babbage!” Abby piped up in a very bad, stilted, british accent, “He was nooooot worthy!” Both Erin and Abby giggled, Holtz broke into a grin. The pair joined Abby on the floor.

 

“Just to clarify, before you continue: I am loving this story. And it is redundantly charming that you named your cat after an inventor.”

 

“They’re always named after inventors, or big contributors, right?” Abby glanced at Erin, who was red as a beet. Erin cleared her throat, trying to ignore how Holtzmann’s compliment punched her in the gut with happiness.  _ She thinks something I did was redundantly charming? _

 

“Um, yes, lets see. Babbage had three kittens: Marconi, Gutenberg, and Walker.”

 

“Correction!” Abby interrupted, “we called them Marconi Macaroni, Glutenburger, and Her Esteemed Majesty McCoy.”

“Oh I’m loving that!” Holtz smiled, “and I’m guessing Marconi, the radio transmitter dude, Gutenberg for the printing press- but who’s McCoy?”

 

“Helped with the steam engine! My point is, that I had to give two of the kittens away-”

 

“Barely, her parent’s made her give them away, so I just took them, they lived in my house!”

 

“Yes, ok, true, but they no longer were mine, that’s my point!”

 

“She disowned them because they were dignified house cats.”

 

“No! I disowned them because they became snobbish! They got too spoiled at Abby’s!” Erin grinned

 

“Ok, that’s only 90% true, but I’ll let it slide. McCoy gave birth, out of wedlock, mind you, to Latimer. She was the last cat I knew, so how’d this baby come around?”

 

“Latimer had a whole bunch of kittens like five years ago, my mom was pissed! She gave them all up for adoption except for the runt, guess it had grown on her. She let me name it Hedy Lamarr, but only as an official title. She just calls the cat ‘bif’, like  _ that’s _ a name.” Erin rolled her eyes, “Bif had a kitten three weeks ago, my mom offered her to me once I got a lease here. And in conclusion, I now have Dame Heisenberg.”

 

“Wait, Abby!” Holtz came to a sudden realization, “I thought you were deathly allergic to cats! You told Professor Stein that if you babysat his cat you would literally implode!” Holtz mentally kicked herself, this is something she would have regularly noticed right away, but she’d been so distracted with Erin that it hadn’t crossed her mind-

 

“Nah, I lied.” Abby shrugged, noting that Holtzmann looked appalled and confused, “I just didn’t want to take care of that asshole’s cat. If I did, I’d get attached and never return it.”

 

Before anyone could say another word, there was a loud knock on the door.

 

“Aye Erin! Hope you didn’t forget about dinner!” Every muscle in Erin’s body tensed at once,  _ how could I have been so stupid! I forgot- _

 

“Aw, damn, I know you forgot, didn’t you?” The woman’s voice called back, as though it was reading Erin’s mind, Erin jumped up to get the door.

 

“You a lousy ass girlfriend, I tell you that much! Yo, can I come in or what?!” The voice grew impatient. From across the room, Holtzmann was simultaneously thrilled and devastated. Erin had a girlfriend. Erin had a  _ female _ girlfriend! Erin and girls! But also, Erin had a girlfriend. As in, she was already seeing someone. But hadn’t she said she was single earlier? 

 

“Yeah! Sorry, one sec!” Erin opened the door, “And you know that every time you call me that, you owe me and the entire community five bucks a pop.”

 

“Mhmm, and what am I gon’ do, huh? Pay myself? Don’t think I ain’t a part of the community, cause I am. Aye- don’t make that face! I know you ain’t think that I’m not! Pansexuality is va-” the woman stopped short as she noticed the pair of women sitting on the floor. 

 

“Ah, my bad, where your manners at, patricia? Lemme introduce myself to your white friends!”

 

“Hi, Erin’s white friends, I’m Patty! Nice to meet you!” Patty smiled brightly, Abby and Holtz stood up to introduce themselves, Abby plopping Heisenberg on the ground.

 

“Abby Yates, also a pleasure to meet ya!” 

 

“The Abby Yates?” Patty shot her a questioning look, then one at Erin, who smiled, “Awesome! Glad y’all cool!”

 

“Holtzmann.” Holtz nodded at Patty, polite, but not too polite, because she still couldn’t tell if Patty was dating Erin, and wanted Patty’s impression of her to be neutral.

 

“Aight! Cool, well I was supposed to be making our girl, Erin over here,” Patty pointed at the physicist, who looked nothing but apologetic, “I was making her a fancy dinner, a house christening, if you will. Glad y’all will be joining us! Luckily, I brought a lot of food, I was planning on making sure she had leftovers- you know how she forgets to make time to eat. Can’t have her eating from take out menus just because she’s busy, ya know what I’m sayin’?”

 

“I know exactly what you're sayin’!” Abby nodded enthusiastically. “Well can I do anything to help?”

 

“Yeah, well let’s see, you know how to prepare a filet-” Patty’s voice faded out of Holtzmann’s mind as she considered some evidence. 

 

  1. Patty referred to Erin as her girlfriend, but Erin had previously said that she isn’t dating. After all, that’s why the crew was there to begin with. Erin sleeps alone.
  2. Erin also said to not call her that, more evidence stacked against them dating, no?
  3. But Patty was awesome. From the two minutes Holtz knew her, she was nothing but kind, she welcomed everyone right away, she didn't think this was weird, she knew Erin forgot dinner, she was bringing dinner, she really cared about Erin. That was pretty sweet. 
  4. But also, Erin forgot dinner! Who forgets a fancy dinner with a significant other, right? 



 

If Holtzmann hadn’t been thinking so hard, she would have heard Abby confirm that Patty and Erin were, in fact, not a couple. She would have noticed Abby and Patty talking about how they had both been mistaken as Erin’s girlfriend in the past, but perhaps most importantly, she would have seen Erin staring at her. 

 

Erin had noticed the shift in Holtz’s demeanor, she knew she wasn’t imagining it. Was this because she thought Erin was dating Patty? Is that what disappointed her? Erin wanted that to be true. She wanted Holtzmann to be frowning out of jealousy. Not because she wanted Holtzmann to be sad, of course, but because she  _ really _ wanted Holtz to be interested in her. 

 

“Hey, you alright?” Erin placed a gentle hand on Holtzmann’s crossed arms, dragging Holtz out of her analysis.

 

“Yeah, just up in my noggin,” Holtz gave a thin lipped smile and nodded. Usually she would have tapped her temple with her index finger, but she didn’t want to move, because Erin’s hand was on her arm, and she would do anything to keep it there. Erin’s hand didn’t move away, but instinctively began to lightly draw comforting circles with her thumb.

 

“What’s going on up there?” Erin asked kindly, her eyes warm, voice low, a soft smile resting comfortably on her face.

 

“There’s always a lot up there,” Holtz gave a sincere, dopey, lopsided grin, “it’s very disorganized.”

 

“You should let me visit sometime, then, I’m pretty good at organizing, if I do say so myself.” Erin moved her hand away, to tuck her hair behind her ears. Holtzmann knew Erin’s ears were pink without even looking.

 

_ Whhhhaaaaaat? That was flirting, right? There’s no way that wasn’t flirting.  _ Holtzmann concluded. From that, she decided it was ok to flirt back, after all, Erin initiated this. She must not be that invested in Patty, romantically. 

 

“Uh, well, trust me, you're in here already.” Holtzmann tapped her head and winked for emphasis, trying to pretend she wasn’t nervous. 

 

“Oh?” Erin squeaked out and gulped, her ears had been pink, but suddenly, blotches of blush burst across her face in surprised excitement.  _ Yeah, that was a wink, I’m not crazy, that was a wink. Holtzmann winked at me and I’ve never been so smitten- _

 

“Oh, um, oh geez,” Erin wasn’t sure what to say, luckily, she didn’t have to say anything, because Patty interrupted by picking her up from behind, effortlessly tossing Erin over her shoulder. 

 

“Come on, and you too Holtzy!”

 

Holtzmann was mortified. How could she hit on Erin when Patty was right there! Holtz didn’t want to hurt Patty, what had she done to deserve that? Also, “Holtzy”? Patty was so comfortable with her already, she didn’t know that Holtz was madly into Erin! Holtz was in her head again, but in a minute, Patty was back at her side, having dropped Erin off in the kitchen. 

 

“Aye, Holtzy, stop zoning out!” Patty barked, “We got a double date!”

 

“Oh! Oh, well, no, Abby and I aren’t, we aren’t dating.” Holtz fumbled

 

“No shit sherlock, didn’t mean you two.” Patty grinned, and nodded her head toward Erin, who was stirring something on the oven top stove as Abby gave her instructions. 

 

“Wait what?” Holtz’s eyes widened, “So sorry Patty-”

 

“Ain’t no reason to apologize! Patty loves love!” She broke into a kilowatt smile.

 

“But, you and Erin-” 

 

“Are friends! We’re just friends, my man! I know, a pan and a bi being just friends-”

 

“SHE’S BI?!” Holtz loudly whispered in shock. Obviously, she had been hoping Erin liked girls, and the data she had gathered looked promising, but having it  _ confirmed _ was thrilling.

 

“Aww, don’t tell me you have an issue with her being able to like guys too, or say she’d cheat. That ain’t Erin, she’d never-”

 

“Shhh, I’m processing,” Holtz put a finger on Patty’s lips. Patty didn’t like this, but didn’t complain.

 

“Erin likes girls.” Holtz’s brow furrowed, her finger pushing harder into Patty’s face. The taller woman didn’t move.

 

“Patty! I am a girl!” She shouted excitedly, as through this was a new discovery, “Brilliant!’ She pumped both fists in the air.

 

“Everything okay over there?” Abby shot Patty a puzzled look, in response Patty nodded with a bright smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave suggestions or something you'd like me to include!! hmu on tumblr @ tubularfaggot


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